1. Do you consider your sex to be “conventional”? Why or why not?
Like most words, “conventional” is subjective. Is sex for me like what others have? I don’t know. I’ve discovered that most people rarely talk about the sex they are having instead of speaking about what they want, their fantasies, and their expectations. I think sex is disappointing for many people because their experiences do not match those fantasies. Many people of my generation were taught that sex was a mechanical endeavor to create babies, not to enjoy. Porn can be considered good or bad, depending on your viewpoint, but it at least showed many of us what we were missing. The sex I wanted to have was anything but conventional. But the sex I was having was so boringly conventional and conservative. I feel cheated.
2. Gender Identity–How do you describe yourself? (Mark one answer)
a. Male
b. Female
c. Trans Male/Trans Man
d. Trans Female/Trans Woman
e. Genderqueer/Gender NonConforming
f. Different Identity
3. Sexual Orientation–Are you exclusively?
a. Heterosexual
b. Gay
c. Lesbian
d. Bisexual
e. None of the above, specify if you wish.
B Female and A Heterosexual. But I think under the right circumstances, I could be bicurious.
4. Is understanding the causes and effects, and the formation of gender stereotypes important?
It is essential to understand it to see the damage that gender stereotypes can cause. No matter what gender we identify with, we are all still human beings, and this is true with our skin color, age, sexuality, abilities, and more. As long as we only associate with people exactly like ourselves, the biases against others will still exist.
Bonus: Your thoughts on this–”I’m in a committed relationship, and it feels like asking for consent every time we have sex is overkill—is that wrong?”
Being in a committed relationship doesn’t automatically give you the right to use your partner in whatever way you choose. This is why communication is the first skill needed to be learned in any relationship, which includes a discussion on sex, needs, desires, and fantasies. Once that is accomplished and you both consent to a consensual non-consent where one is the top and the other the bottom. Then, if both agree, consent each time may not be necessary. A few years ago, Britain had an excellent PSA about consent, using the analogy of serving tea.
It took me a while to understand that much of my anxiety about being touched (simply being hugged) was due to being molested and raped as a child. After I shared that with my partner, he started asking me if it was okay to hug me. Once he did that, much of my anxiety disappeared.
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Happy TMI Tuesday!
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