1. How important is religion in your life?
At one time I was very devout Christian, but always searching for answers. I thought I had found them as a Catholic, but after 15 years I finally realized it wasn’t what I was looking for. I left the church and somehow found myself as a member of an Evangelistic church. I became very caught up in it but I was still searching. I tried to take the denominations theology classes to become a minister and that’s when I learned these conservative churches were terribly sexist and misogynist. The male students, almost half my age, resented women in the class and demanded we get down on our knees to pray and while we were there, we could suck their dicks. Instead I dropped out of the class, along with the two other women. A few months later, my daughter died, the church congregation shunned me and I finally gave up and left the church, left Christianity and left religion… for the most part. I spent 15 years as a practicing Paganism Witch but I still could not wrap my head around the need to worship a deity. The Pagan gods weren’t much different than the Christian god, just different names. I became a Humanist Pagan, but now I’m just a proud Atheist.
2. How often do you use pornography?
Not a lot… but I do use it. I prefer to choose erotica over porn, it tends to be more descriptive and imaginative. But I do get off on bondage porn.
3. Do you feel your religion restricts sexual behavior?
It did for a long time. I learned that sex had one, maybe two, purposes. The first was procreation and should only be done to have a baby. The second was to please your husband. Women were not to enjoy it at all. The only appropriate sexual position was missionary and sex ended when your husband climaxed. No oral sex, no masturbation. Women must never touch themselves or allow anyone else to touch them, other than their husband. I had a really hard time with this when my children were born and I needed to prepare my nipples for breastfeeding. The guilt was overwhelming and I suffered a lot of pain trying to nurse my babies, due to the religious guilt. I never had had an orgasm. When I became a Pagan, sex was much more open and free, but I still had the lingering Catholic, Methodist and Evangelistic guilt about sex. But at least I was learning. About 10 years ago, I had my first orgasm, using a vibrator, I’ve yet to cum while having sex with another person… After that wonderful experience, I started studying sexuality and learning about all of the the things the church insisted was evil. In the end, it’s the church that is evil, not sex.
4. Is your participation in sex, of any kind, tempered because of your own religious beliefs?
It was greatly. I didn’t participate. I barely responded. I was a vessel to be used and that was all. My partners never even noticed if I was enjoying sex or getting off and didn’t really care, as long as they did.
5. Can you be kinky and practice religion?
I know there are Christians who practice Christian submission and it seems to work for them. While I am a sexual submissive, I am because I choose to be and not because any religion or book demands it. In Christian submission it seems like the men are always the Dominants and women are always the submissive and there isn’t much choice. I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t be kinky, or even sexy and sexually active and be religious.
Bonus: Are you aspiring to anything?
Just to be myself and to continue learning and sharing what I learn.
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