Things to Ponder

And we park in the driveway and drive on the parkway.

Sit in the waiting room and wait in the sitting room.

When you transport something by car, it’s called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it’s called cargo.

Your nose runs and your feet smells.

Why do you put suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase?

Why do you bake cookies and cook bacon?

Two comedians, George Carlin and Gallagher, made whole comedy routines around the strangeness of the English language.

Here more ponderings to think about:

Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

If you can’t drink and drive, why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?

If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?

If you’re in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

Why isn’t “palindrome” spelled the same way backwards as it is forwards?

If a black box in a plane is indestructible, why can’t they make the whole plane out of it?

Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

Why is it so hard to remember how to spell ‘mnemonic’?

If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?

Why is it called a TV “set” when you only get one?

Why does an alarm clock “go off” when it begins ringing?

If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?

Why does “cleave” mean both split apart and stick together?

Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?

Why is there an expiry date on my sour cream container?

Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

How do you know when it’s time to tune your bagpipes?

Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?

Does ‘virgin wool’ come from sheep the shepherd hasn’t caught yet?

If the front of your car says ‘DODGE’, do you really need a horn?

What do sheep count when they can’t get to sleep?

When you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

Does fuzzy logic tickle?

Do blind Eskimos heave seeing-eye sled dogs?

Do they have reserved parking for non-handicap people at the Special Olympics?

How come wrong numbers are never busy?

Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?

Why call it “take” a dump, when you leave something behind?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?

How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

Is there another word for thesaurus?

Is the color orange called that because it’s the color of the fruit of the same name, or was the fruit called orange because that’s its color? Which came first, the color or the fruit?

After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?

How can there be self-help “groups”?

If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?

If a mute swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?

Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow, but only to be troubled and insecure?

Is there another word for synonym?

It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Why is a pear called a pear when there is only one?

What do they pack Styrofoam in?

Is grass really greener on the other side?

Do boxer shorts box?

Why do you wear a pair of panties and only one bra?

Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

When sign makers go on strike, is there anything written on their signs?

Before the light bulb was invented, what appeared over peoples heads when they had an idea?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Why does the word monosyllabic contain five syllables?

If you wear an antennae to a wedding, would the reception be better?

Why is abbreviated such a long word?

If you put a chameleon in a mirrored box what color would it change to?

Why do people point to their wrist when they want to know the time? Do I point to my crotch when I want to know where the bathroom is?

If you were scared half to death twice, would you be 3/4 dead or 100% dead?

If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest end up drowning as well?

If you asked a librarian where the books on self help were would they tell you, or would that defeat the purpose?

If ATM stands for Automatic Teller Machine, why do we call it an ATM machine? And if PIN stands for Personal Identification Number, why do we call it a PIN number?

Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all?”

Would a fly that loses its wings be called a “walk?”

If a turtle loses its shell is it naked or homeless?

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

Why don’t you ever see the headline, “Psychic Wins Lottery”?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

If flying is so safe, why is the airport called ‘terminal’?

Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

Why do women wear evening gowns to go out at night? Shouldn’t they be wearing night gowns?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It’s just stale bread.

Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

If horrific is akin to horrible, why isn’t terrific akin to terrible?

Why isn’t 11 pronounced onety one?

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as “4’s”?

Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?

Why do doctors call what they do practice? Shouldn’t they be good at it by now?

Why does cleave mean both to adhere and separate?

If you got in a cab and the driver drove backwards would he end up owing you money?

Why do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight?

 When someone says “You know what they say…” Who are they?

If corn oil comes from corn and olive oil comes from olives, where the heck does baby oil come from?

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

You can be overwhelmed and underwhelmed, but why can’t you be simply whelmed?

Why is it that when the batteries in your remote control wear out you just push the buttons harder?

Why are boxing rings square?

If quizzes are quizzical then what are tests?

Shouldn’t the opposite of shut up be shut down?

Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections? Why do they call it a building? It looks like they are finished. Why isn’t it a built?

Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?

Can you be a closet claustrophobic?

How do a fool and his money get together in the first place?

How is it that a building burns up as it burns down?

If the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is a fax?

What are Preparation A through Preparation G?

In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?

How come there aren’t B batteries?

How do “Do not walk on the grass” signs get there?

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

How is it possible to have a civil war?

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?

Could crop circles be the work of a cereal killer?

If crime doesn’t pay does that mean that my job is a crime?

Did Noah keep his bees in archives?

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

Why do tourists go to the tops of tall buildings and then put money into telescopes so they can see things on the ground close-up?

Why is it that night falls but day breaks?

Why is it that you must wait until night to call it a day?

What if the Hokey Pokey IS what it’s all about?

What happened to the first 6 “ups”?

If practice makes perfect, and no one is perfect, why bother practice?

Why do people sing “Take me out to the ball game” when they are already there?

Why is there neither pine nor apple in pineapple?

Why does the arcade game “Donkey Kong” have a monkey? Why isn’t it called Monkey Kong?

Why do lumberjacks cut trees down and then chop them up?

What’s the deal with Grapenuts? They’re neither grape nor nuts.

How do people get discombobulated? Have you ever seen someone who was combobulated?

If we call people from Poland poles why don’t we call people from Holland holes?

If a rabbit’s foot was actually lucky, wouldn’t it still be attached to the rabbit’s leg?

Why does Goofy talk and wear clothes while Pluto barks naked?

Why is it called American football when they rarely use their feet to play?

Why does Mickey Mouse wear pants and no shirt while Donald Duck wears a shirt and no pants?

If you sued a parsley farmer could you garnish his wages?

Who closes the door when the bus driver gets off?

Why is it called a “word to the wise?” If they’re already wise, why do they need to hear it?

Why do psychics have to ask for your name?

How come we choose from just two people for president and 50 for Miss America?

How much wind could a windbreaker break if a windbreaker could break wind?

Why do you call an open door ajar?

Does expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?

Why isn’t it funny when you hit your funny bone?

Why do you have to click Start to stop your computer?

Where in the nursery rhyme does it say Humpty Dumpty is an egg?

What does a bald person put for hair color on their driver’s license?

Why are pants, shorts and underwear solds as a pair when you only get one item?

Can you lose your train of thought on a plane?

Is it good if your vacuum really sucks?

Why is night called ‘after dark’ when it’s really after light and still dark?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, have you become a vacuum cleaner?

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